Letting go is especially difficult when you experience romantic heartbreak. Seemingly overnight there are new uncertainties, new voids in your life to fill, and difficult emotions and memories to boot. Anxieties and fears can pile on mercilessly.
And yet, it’s precisely at such times that letting go can help you to recognize your inherent wholeness and to move forward.
But what exactly is “letting go”?
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I used to be skeptical about letting go, not least because it was completely foreign to me. Life had taught me to be a fighter. Subconsciously, I equated letting go with being irresponsible and defeatist.
Those of you who think you feel calmer when you’ve exerted agency (like I once used to), please know that a correction is in order and that you’ll feel true calm when you learn to balance agency and acceptance.
Letting go is about being open to your life exactly as it is and trusting that things are alright. You’re aiming for courage, equanimity, and humility, even in the face of the unknown. Not resignation. Not blind optimism either. But a place beyond your small sense of self and its associated worries or obsessions. Thus, when you’ve truly let go, you won’t be interested in announcing your achievement on social media either. That will hold no allure.
Here’s a lovely poem with some tips on what letting go looks like. As the poem suggests, the only way to let go is to do exactly that.
She Let Go
She let go.
She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of the fear.
She let go of the judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons.
Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice.
She didn’t read a book on how to let go.
She didn’t search the scriptures.
She just let go.
She let go of all of the memories that held her back.
She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go.
She didn’t journal about it.
She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer.
She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.
She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.
She just let go.
She didn’t analyze whether she should let go.
She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.
She didn’t call the prayer line.
She didn’t utter one word.
She just let go.
No one was around when it happened.
There was no applause or congratulations.
No one thanked her or praised her.
No one noticed a thing.
Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort.
There was no struggle.
It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.
It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.
A small smile came over her face.
A light breeze blew through her.
And the sun and the moon shone forevermore…
— Reverend Safire Rose, ©2003
Have questions or want to dig further into what “letting go” looks like, practically speaking? Let’s discuss in the comments below!
Cross-posted on Medium.com. Dedicated to helping you connect safely and authentically with others going through romantic heartbreak and get all the resources you need to heal beautifully. Join my waitlist to be the first to know when I launch community offerings!